What no one is talking about! What every first time mom needs to know, after dad goes back to work. Let’s talk overwhelm, loneliness and how so many voices telling you how to mom right is robbing you of your true motherhood intuition. Especially after dad goes back to work and your postpartum hormones are real, you’re home with your new baby.
This may be a bit unpopular opinion, but it’s worth hearing me out as I share from personal experience.
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You’ve had your first sweet little baby boy or girl! Congratulations, babies are such miracles!
And now as you hold the sweetest little miracle in your arms dad has had to go back to work. As an experienced mom I want to come along side you to share some wisdom I’ve gained through experience. Some things no one talks about but is essential to you as a mom!
- What to expect when dad goes back to work?
- Postpartum Loneliness and Overwhelm, once dad goes back to work.
- How NOT to fall into the loneliness and overwhelm trap as a first time mom.
- Where to meet new moms and create your mom tribe.
- Mom intuition 101, how to get it to work?
- How to make your mom intuition louder so you can hear it too!
- How to go from overwhelmed to peaceful and thriving as a new mama with a newborn?
- Check out more tips for new mamas…
What to expect when dad goes back to work?
I remember feeling like how on earth am I going to manage without him! Somehow I did, but some things I was unprepared for. I’ll get into those later.
Honestly, it feels like a lot, right? I was right there with you.
When the baby finally is sleeping or happily laying in his or her bouncer there is the dilemma of essentials all new moms face of do I eat, pee, shower, or nap first? Probably not shower, too bad we couldn’t do a few of those at the same time!
And then there’s the other duties we somehow must do. Like cook, laundry, a basic tidy up, cleaning. When on earth do those fit in?
But then there’s this thing no one talks about, early postpartum loneliness and overwhelm.
Postpartum Loneliness and Overwhelm, once dad goes back to work.
Loneliness and overwhelm is such a real and hard thing for new moms, especially first time moms.
This usually sets in often once dad has gone back to work, all the friends or family that came to help with baby have gone and it’s just you. Well, it’s not just you technically, but it feels like it.
Just you, you baby and your phone.
The default is to spend a lot of time on your phone. Not only is it taking time away from your newborn and sleep (either a nap or more quality sleep when you get it).
It’s also making you question your new shaky but strong motherhood intuition.
How NOT to fall into the loneliness and overwhelm trap as a first time mom.
New mama, you are likely used to being at work or even school. Surrounded by people, having adult conversations and finding purpose. Now you’re thrown into this unfamiliar world of motherhood.
With no one to have an adult conversation with until dad get’s home. This can leave you feeling lonely and disconnected.
Make the effort to meet new mamas in your local community. Create a face to face social group, so you don’t keep turning to your phone for human “connection” that leaves you empty.
Where to meet new moms and create your mom tribe.
You’ll have to put yourself out there, which can feel overwhelming at first. But trust me mama, the connections you’ll make are worth it! I still have a close friend from one of the groups I joined when I was a first time brand new mama.
- You can look up mom’s facebook groups for your local area and ask them.
- Join a local La Leche League local group or other breastfeeding support group.
- Ask a midwife center in your local area for new mom support or educational groups.
- Library and community centers will often have activities for babies and moms.
- Baby friendly fitness at your local communtiy center.
Once you start looking you’ll discover there are other mom’s out there looking for connection too. Just pick one or two to try out a handful of times. If you love it stay, if not then after a few tries, try a different group.
Creating a community is important to help us feel less lonely, fight the new motherhood overwhelm and find connection again.
Mom intuition 101, how to get it to work?
This may not be what you want to hear so I’ll share a bit of my own personal experience first.
I kept hearing older moms and my middle aged midwife say trust your gut, trust your mom intuition. But as a brand new unexperienced mom I didn’t know what that really looked like and how to hear it.
So I did what modern new moms would logically do. When I had a question, wondered something or didn’t know if this was “normal” I would google it. I also started following other young moms on social media.
Let’s use sleep as an example. Every tired and sore mama want’s more sleep right?
I would get this advice or that opinion. They’d sound logical, make sense, seem like a good idea to try. So I’d try it. (Spoiler alert, nothing worked.)
But there was a little part of me that felt like something wasn’t right about it. Even though I couldn’t express why. In hindsight I can tell you this was my motherly intuition of wisdom kicking in.
It wasn’t until I finally tried so many things and in desperation and sleep deprivation started co-sleeping (after reading about the safe sleep 7) that I was able to get more rested sleep.
How to make your mom intuition louder so you can hear it too!
So after this, along with a number other experiences. I came to the conclusion to stop googling everything. But it took more than this.
I realized that I was lonely and overwhelmed on my shaky new mom legs. My phone was always at hand so I kept turning to it. At night, no one was awake while feeding, so I’d be on my phone (prior to bed sharing). During the day I was home alone, so I’d go on my phone.
Maybe this is you right now?
Mama, I want to encourage you to turn off your phone. (Not to mention the blue light tricks your brain into thinking its daytime, lowering the restfulness of any sleep you will get.)
Invest in an old fashioned bedside clock. Keep your phone in another room at night. You’ll be more rested and able to tune into your baby more.
Take off your social media apps, yes really. Instead, go find a few good books to read and trust you mom intuition!
Don’t second guess yourself. You know your baby better than anyone! Trust your gut!
You’ll feel shaky and uncertain at first, but you will gain confidence as time goes on that you, yes you new mama, can trust your motherly intuition.
I made a promise to myself that I would only google if it was something that my gut was telling me was a medical thing, which likely meant I would be also calling a doctor. But if it was a non-life threatening issue, I would first observe and listen to my gut. Second talk to my husband about it, third call a more experienced mom (like your mom, aunt, older sister, friend with older children) for her opinion and encouragement.
Remember their opinion doesn’t mean it will fit you and your baby. You still need to trust your gut, your motherly intuition. But often older mom’s have some wisdom and encouragement to consider.
How to go from overwhelmed to peaceful and thriving as a new mama with a newborn?
The answer is time, it lends to experience of what works for you. Lean into your intuition and needs. Ask for help so you can take a nap or a quick tip to the grocery store.
Put your phone away! Instead turn on some relaxing or encouraging music, keep an uplifting book nearby.
Build connections with other local mamas.
Start a project or learn a new skill you can do at a slow pace in small bite size pieces of time as your baby allows.
You will find new rhythms in time. Just remember to keep them flexible and adaptable, as babies are constantly changing.
Lean into the slow and enjoy this beautiful and raw season.
Trust your newfound mom intuition, it’s stronger than you think!
You got this mama!
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